maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
