is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
