So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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