Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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