I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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