This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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