I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
