physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
