It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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