New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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