watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
