It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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