so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
