Even the bartender felt bad for me
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
