The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
