He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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