Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
