that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
