i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
