I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
