Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
