I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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