No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I need mimosas to revive my soul
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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