If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
