well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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