he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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