She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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