He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
