And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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