Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
