you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
