Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
