When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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