I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
