you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
