oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
