Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
