spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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