that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
