Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
