You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize