I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
