I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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