Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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