dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
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he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
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