I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize
