Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
