Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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