absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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