it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
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She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
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How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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