why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
