You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
