Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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