I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize