He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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