I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
