Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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