im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
