Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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